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(Also
known as "BORING STUFF")
Welcome to
DieselJockey.com, the award-winning
Web site of Diesel Jockey
News(tm) --Trucking's
Sharpest News Source (tm) or DJN for short. If you don’t
already know, DJN is the
only publication
of its kind in the
trucking industry
(although we’re not
sure what “its
kind” is). It is also the only
trucking publication
shamelessly created,
designed and published by professional over-the-road
traffic-flow disturbers.
That is, unless there are
other ones.
If you’re a trucker
(and if you’re not
that scumbag who keeps
crapping in the parking
lot), then you are among
friends here. (And, if my
photo on this page is some sort of animal
again, you’re among
some pretty cunning
pranksters, too.) We know
what life can be like out
there on the road because
we live it, too. Our
staff members make their
living behind the wheel,
or close to it. We walk
the walk. This includes
our staff members of the
imaginary variety.
From its humble
beginnings as a simple,
two-page handout produced
on a copy machine, DJN
has slowly grown into a rather disturbing,
full-size Web site. This is the
result of a little bit of
hard work and a big bit
of some truckers having
way too much time on
their hands. (My
grammar-checking software
is going to have a ball
with that sentence.) They
tell us DJN fills an
empty space — a void
in our industry. Well I’m
here to tell you that we
would like to know where
it is, and if it has
overnight parking.
Drop me a line at editor@dieseljockey.com.
Let me know what you think of the site or you
can just axt
me a question or something.
OUR
EDITOR...
If you ever see this guy on a real TIME magazine cover,
the national media have hit rock bottom.
(This is not a real
magazine cover.) |
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Paul Smith,
Editor & Publisher
Diesel Jockey News
DieselJockey.com
CONTACT US:
Mailing Address:
Diesel Jockey News
118 West Dr
Spartanburg, South Carolina 29303 USA
E-mail: editor@dieseljockey.com
Phone: 1.864.590.3904 (9am - 6pm, Mon - Sat)
And now —
so that our
yet-to-be-designated
"court-appointed attorney"
will have something to work with —
here's some fine print. (Best absorbed when read really
fast like they do in
radio commercials.) We don't know why
this is underlined.
CONTENT:
The contents of Diesel
Jockey News™
(DJN) is satire, parody
and/or spoof for the
entertainment of those
individuals possessing a
sense of humor, and is not to be taken
too seriously. DJN's
primary focus is
on the truckload
transportation industry and then on current
national topics, or
anything else the
publisher chooses.
Any resemblance to real
persons, whether living,
dead, or existing in another dimension is purely
coincidental, except in
the case of "public figures"
or "public entities."
SUBMISSIONS:
All letters/e-mails, photos,
illustrations, cartoons,
etc. submitted to DJN
will be considered as
submitted for the purpose
of publication unless otherwise
stated/agreed to. No materials will be
returned unless a
stamped, self-addressed
envelope is include for
that purpose, which is kind of hard to
do with e-mail. Tips from errant
readers will be cheerfully accepted
(including the
cash kind).
COPYRIGHTS/TRADEMARKS:
No part of DJN
may be reproduced by any
means without written
permission from the
copyright holder, Diesel
Jockey News. That
means "ask/axt first."
The only person authorized to grant
permission is Paul F Smith, the
publisher. ALL web content Copyright ©
1998-2003 Diesel Jockey News. All rights reserved.
Diesel
Jockey News, the Diesel Jockey News
logo(s) and Trucking's Sharpest News
Source are trademarks or service
marks of Diesel Jockey News. All
other trademarks and registered trademarks
are the trademarks of their respective
trademark holders, which is about the
dumbest and most redundant statement
anyone should ever have to write.
CORRECTIONS:
In the unlikely event of errors in
articles we make up, an appropriate
correction will be prominently published
in the next issue if (1) the offended
party has a better attorney than we do, or, (2)
we
need to fill a conspicuously empty space
with something. As a general rule, we do
not publish corrections correcting
incorrect corrections, nor do we honor
request to "say that three times
fast."
Not responsible
for imcorrected spellings
or inappropriate use of "
big" and/or "strange" words
which may be hereinto
applicationalized without
previsualizable warnization, occasionalistically.
OTHER:
Neither Diesel Jockey News nor
the Diesel Jockey News staff can be held
legally or socially responsible for
any spoof, parody, or satirical material which later becomes Government Policy,
Federal Regulation or other government
programs.
The
internet version is
printed on well-behaved
electrons; the
print version is
printed on highly-processed tree guts.
Readers who have seen Elvis
recently,
either in person or as image reflected on a
large household appliance, are strongly encouraged to purchase
and study our one-page
booklet, "Reader's
Guide To Getting
Satire"
($149,000 US), before
commenting publicly on
the contents of this
publication.
Void where
prohibited. For external
use only. Not
likely to induce
epileptic seizures, but
in the event of one, bite
down on a stick.
No
animals were harmed in
the making of this
publication — except a cat that died.
SHAMELESS
CREDITS
(For
a "big film"
effect, scroll down thru
these kind of slow.)
Published
by
Paul F Smith
DBA
Diesel
Jockey News
Edited
by
Paul
F. Smith
the
editor
Designed
by
The
Same Guy
Produced
by
Him
Again
Graphics
by
Ditto
Illustrations
by
Still
Here
Directed
by
Yeah,
Mr. Modesty, Again
Webmasted(?)
by
Double-Ditto
Distributed
by
A
Cheap Modem (mostly)
Rob
Wellesly's Reports
by
Bob
Maxwell, Driver and
DJN Staff Reporter
Truckers'
Horoscope
by
D.
Allen Krisanits,
a/k/a "Swami
Poppadoc ,"
Driver and Certifried Horoscoper
Ranger
Keith Outdoors
by
Ranger
Keith,
Head of Park Security at
Ransom
Park, Texas
International
Contacts
(listed
alphabetically)
Working
Capital Provided
by
Returning
stuff to Wal-Mart
Uppercase
Letters Provided
by
The
Alphabet, with excerpts from
"That Alphabet Song"
Permission
to Use Ones and Zeroes
by
Microsoft
Corporation
Some
Javascripts Provided
by
The
JavascriptSource
www.javascript.internet.com
This has NOT
been a Filmways® presentation
SITE
DESIGNED & CREATED BY
MAILING ADDRESS:
Diesel Jockey News
118 West Dr
Spartanburg, SC 29303
OK, STOP SCROLLING
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