Ranger Keith Outdoors 

Ranger Keith's head.

My Baddax Boat!

This month's fishing reeport will be from the Park Ranger dock because I'm still having problems with the new Official Park Ranger boat.  As you may remember (I'm trying to forget), last month my old ranger boat did a U-turn (so to speak) first trip out on New Year's Day and tried to take me on a lake-bottom tour.  Some sort of Y2K problem.  Since then it be tied up in the waste treatment affluent pond over at Brown Water Springs.   It's running full throttle like a big Queezynart, keeping stuff stirred up.

Which reminds me, I was over there to Brown Water Springs the other day, looking for the park mower what took off on it's own.  I was walking by the affluent pond, heading for my official park ranger pickup when that sneaky affluent-stirring U-boat flung a chunk of you-know-what that hit old Ranger Keith in the back of the head.  I made three mid-air flips before hitting the ground.  On my face, of course.  I must have been some contorted while spinning around in the air like that, because I remember seeing the bottom of my left shoe close up and thinking "Gee... I seemed to have stepped in something."

I thought I'd lucked out this time since no park employees were around to witness one of my little mishaps.  I failed to notice (till later) the camcorder-equipped tourist who just happened to be shooting some tape of Brown Water Springs.  I'll probably be on "America's Stupidest Park Ranger Mishaps" this September.  Keep checking your fall TV listings, just in case.

My new boat is a 21 foot "Ranger Special" from the Baddax Boat Works, with twin engines, an open cabin, sireen and reevolving lights, all designed with official lake use in mind.  Too bad it weren't deesigned for acting like a normal boat during that official use.  First thing I noticed was the faster I wented, the less I were able to make turns to the right.  Figuring this might be speed-deependent proportional steering or some such new meliminum nonsense, I looked through the very explicit three page manual which came with the boat, and found nothing about it.

Raising the engine hatches, I discovered the morons at Baddax put a V6 on the left and a V8 on the right.  No wonder I curved (spiraled, actually) to the left all the time.  Wish I'd have knowed that earlier... would have saved rebuilding the official ranger dock after that little high speed approach (spiral left), full throttle reverse breaking (spiral right) incident while showing off for my new sekatary.

My next attempt at keeping our first aid station busy came when I tried the CB radidio.  I axt the boat's manufracturer to install one so I could communicake with park visitors what have CB's in their cars and boats, and also too all the truckers what likes to park here overnight in some peace an' quiet. 

Anyway, Baddax installationed a Unidung 40 channel CB, and included some contraption their salesman called a Linny Ear.  Whatever it's function are, it has a plain white label on the top which reads "4 watts in for 1500 watts out - Fat Jake's Truck Stop - Dallas".  This lektronic box are guaranteed to make my CB reach out and touch somebody.  First time I keyed the CB to say "broke one nine", that ear of Linny's drawd so much current both engines stopped (but I didn't).  Only "reaching out and touching" I done was when my face smacked the windshield at 40 knots!  One thing I can say for that Baddax boat... when the props stop, IT stops!

I hate to go on about my Baddax boat problems when I'm posta be giving the dock-side fishing conditchins here at Raisin lake.  So, I won't even mention the boat's bilge pump what pumps water IN instead of OUT, or the fact that the bow has "Ranger V6" on one side and "Ranger V8" on the other. I'll just tell you that fishing from the official Ranger dock are excellent right now.  Specially with all the debris down there what are left from spiraling into the dock at high speed.  So, this be Ranger Keith saying so long for now, and come on out to the park and see my Baddax boat.

Ranger Keith, in addition to being the outdoors columnist at Diesel Jockey News, is Park Ranger and Head of Park Security at Ransom Park, Texas. You may contact Ranger Keith about this column at RangerKeith@dieseljockey.com

Visit Ransom Park! For more information click on:
http://users2.50megs.com/ransompark/index.html
The official web page for Ransom Park, Texas


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